


crush

by lolainslackss



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Alternative Universe - Small Town, Crushes, Drinking Games, F/F, M/M, Slight Neil/Kevin, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Underage Drinking, and pretty Innocent, more pairings to be added, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-28 18:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13277256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolainslackss/pseuds/lolainslackss
Summary: (A series of small town/high school AU one-shots in which the teenage foxes hopelessly crush on each other.)1. Some drinking game confusion lands Neil and Andrew in a predicament. 2. Erik walks Nicky home. 3. Allison dyes her hair pink and pines.





	1. light up the night like a black sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a non-descript small town/high school AU. backstories diverge from canon. first up is andreil.

Andrew was mixing drinks, cigarette dangling from his slightly parted lips, when Neil Josten found him. Andrew watched as his auburn-haired best friend forced his way through the crowd that had congregated near the kitchen door, scowling as he was jostled and bumped by those who were dancing to the terrible 'golden age of pop-punk' playlist Dan had put on shuffle. Neil was still wearing his jacket - the fleece corduroy one. The jacket, and his hair, were slightly damp, and there were raindrops scattered across his nose, melting into the freckles that were also littered there. Andrew's heart skipped a beat.

"Nice party," Neil said. "Won't Tilda be mad?"

"About what?" Andrew asked, pulling his gaze away from his friend and deliberately focusing on the blender.

"The party?" Neil replied, taking off his jacket and slinging it over a chair, revealing the worn, faded band tee he was wearing underneath, "All these people? The drinking? The smoking?"

"She'll probably be so smashed when she gets back from the bar that she won't even notice," Andrew said levelly, handing his cigarette to Neil.

"My mom'll kill me," Neil muttered, perching on the stool that was next to Andrew and considering the cigarette.

"Hasn't stopped you before," Andrew murmured as he began to pour bright pink liquid into red, plastic cups.

Neil took a draw on the cigarette, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes. They sat in a comfortable silence for a minute before Nicky crashed into the room.

"Neil!" Nicky yelled, draping his arm over Neil's shoulders clumsily, "You made it!"

"I had to convince my mom we were having some kind of study sleepover," Neil said, wrinkling his nose. "Which reminds me, is it okay if I crash here?"

Andrew nodded.

"Study sleepover," Nicky repeated with a laugh, reaching for one of Andrew's alcoholic concoctions. "That's amazing."

Andrew handed Neil a cup and the three of them touched their cups together before downing the contents inside. Andrew smirked, noticing Neil's little wince as he swallowed. They'd all started drinking when they were around thirteen, but Neil had always been a lightweight. Even at fifteen, he tried to take it easy at parties.

"I really want to kiss Erik tonight," Nicky said, sighing. "I might have to instigate a game of Spin the Bottle, or Truth or Dare, or something."

"Nicky," Neil said. "You're sixteen. Isn't that a little old to be playing games like that? Why don't you just go up to him and ask him?"

"I can't do that!" Nicky shouted, burying his face in his hands. "What if he says no? I would pretty much die. And besides, you can't talk, Neil! You _never_ kiss anyone at these things. And literally _anybody_ in this house would be up for it! So unfair."

Andrew tried not to shift uncomfortably as Neil glared at Nicky, flushing pink.

"They would not," Neil insisted quietly.

Nicky snorted.

"Fine," Neil said, grabbing another drink. "Maybe I will."

"Seriously?" Nicky asked, his eyes widening.

Neil shrugged.

Andrew settled his empty cup on the counter and lit another cigarette.

 _So here's the thing._ Neil had moved to their small town when he was seven years old. He'd been reserved at school, kept his head down, kept quiet. Andrew had noticed him, but didn't bother trying to make friends. New kids were sometimes flighty, and besides, Andrew had all the 'friends' he'd needed. As the years went by though, Neil began to quietly join in with their games. Exy, at first. Later, when they were about twelve, Neil started tagging along with them on after-school trips to the diner. Slowly, he'd become an irreplaceable part of their group. His mother had been wary, with good reason. Andrew had always been the resident 'bad kid' - angry, destructive. _Still am_.

When Neil's father had left him and his mother, his mother had gotten even more protective over Neil. But Andrew always helped him sneak out, and always provided a place to stay if he needed it (Tilda was usually so out of it she didn't even notice what he and Aaron got up to). Andrew had been there for Neil through those horrible months when his parents' marriage broke down, when Neil's asshole father said he never wanted to see either of them ever again.

And Neil, well, Neil had been there for Andrew last year, when things got dark. Apart from Nicky, Kevin and Aaron, Neil had been the only other person to visit Andrew in the hospital. He'd sit there for hours, reading to Andrew from a book that he knew Andrew liked, or babbling about the latest homework, or even just sitting in comfortable silence.

They always had each others' backs.

 _So here's another thing._ Andrew was also hopelessly in love with him.

On some level, Andrew had always known he was gay, but Neil Josten was the first boy he had _noticed_. And then that noticing turned into something more. Knowing Neil as well as he did, however, meant he'd realised that Neil would probably never return any of these feelings. Andrew had noticed that nobody ever seemed to interest Neil. He never got crushes on any of the girls or boys at school, never confessed to any attractions, never checked anybody out. Andrew was happy to let him be, and started making out with other boys at school, which was nice, and satisfying. But none of them made his stomach and heart somersault like Neil Josten did.

And sure, sometimes it was a struggle forcing himself to remain calm, especially in situations like this one, where Nicky said stupid things, but he would just remember the way Neil sat next to him in a hospital chair, smiling, the light streaming through the half-open blinds so that it was cutting him into pieces, his soft voice curling around the words he was reading out loud, and Andrew always managed it. He would be still, bored, passive. After all, Neil's friendship was important. _The most important_.

"Maybe I will kiss somebody," Neil told them, his lips smeared pink from the cocktail.

"While it's so on-brand for you, you shouldn't kiss someone out of stubbornness," Andrew said slowly, shooting Nicky a small glare.

"Well, I've never done it before-" Neil began.

"A complete waste, by the way," Nicky cut in.

"And _you both_ seem to find it quite fun, so," Neil went on. "Maybe I'll give it a try."

Andrew and Nicky both considered him with very different expressions.

"Just- just kissing, though," Neil added, running a hand through his hair.

"Well, duh," Nicky said. "We're hardly going to pimp you out, Neil."

Andrew dropped his lit cigarette in Nicky's drink.

"Who?" Andrew managed, hoping he didn't sound as stormy as he felt.

Neil leant forward in his seat and looked through the kitchen door, observing the rest of the party-goers. Andrew felt each second go by, a ticking timebomb, a series of tiny pins to the heart.

Finally, Neil swallowed heavily and said. "Mm- maybe Kevin Day?"

Nicky started howling with laughter and Andrew released a sigh.

"You just want to kiss him because he's so good at Exy," Nicky said.

"Um, he's the best in our whole school," Neil replied, still blushing and refusing to make eye contact with either of them.

 _Fan-fucking-tastic_ , Andrew thought.  _Neil Josten finally decides he wants to kiss a boy and it's Kevin fucking Day_.

"Well then, it's settled," Nicky said, grinning at Neil and pulling him into a hug. "You'll kiss Kevin and I'll kiss Erik."

"I- I don't actually think Kevin will want to kiss me," Neil muttered into Nicky's shoulder. "He's like, surrounded by people. And he barely knows me,"

"Then spin the bottle?" Nicky asked seriously. "Rigged spin the bottle?"

Andrew sighed and rolled his eyes, "We could just play Rules."

"Rules?" Neil replied as Nicky started nodding eagerly.

"It's one of those drinking games where everyone just keeps making up more and more ridiculous rules," Nicky explained excitedly, "so the drunker everyone gets, the more convoluted the game gets."

Andrew wasn't particularly happy about the direction the evening had taken, but as he'd told himself many times: above all else, he and Neil had each others' backs, and he had to be happy to let him be. It was settled. He would help Neil out, get blackout drunk, find someone pretty enough to kiss, forget, forget, _forget_.

"Later in the evening, when everyone is suitably confused by the amount of rules, I'll tell everyone to, let's say, say their favourite colour out loud. And any two people who say the same colour then have to go kiss in the closet," Andrew explained.

"So I say my favourite colour?" Neil asked, confused.

"No, idiot," Andrew said, sighing. "You say _Kevin's_ , so that the two of you say the same colour and have to kiss."

"But I don't know Kevin's favourite colour," Neil responded blankly.

"It's black," Andrew told him.

"Isn't yours black too?" Neil asked warily.

"Then I'll say _your_ favourite, so that we don't get confused," Andrew bit out.

"And my favourite is?" Neil asked, nonplussed.

"Grey," Andrew replied softly, suddenly unable to look at the impossible blue of Neil's eyes. "Light grey."

"Oh," Neil replied quietly. "That's right. I do like grey."

"Do you get it?" Nicky asked Neil, nudging him cheerfully.

"I- I think so," Neil confirmed, nodding, "but I'm going to need a few more drinks before any of this happens."

"Oh, _honey_ ," Nicky said, patting Neil on the back and smiling. "So are the rest of us."

"What could go wrong, right?" Neil asked with an anxious grin, lifting his cup to meet Nicky's and Andrew's.

"Nothing!" Nicky yelled.

 _Everything in my fucking life_ , Andrew thought.

...

It did turn out that a lot could go wrong.

Nicky passed out before Andrew could set up a kiss between him and Erik. At least this meant he was totally out of it and couldn't see Erik and Roland sneaking upstairs to hook up.

Neil had been stolen away by Matt Boyd when they'd left the kitchen and Andrew had been stuck with Aaron all night, who was silent and uncooperative, only speaking up to call whatever new rule that had gone into play 'stupid'.

Allison had come up with the rule that if any two people made eye contact, they each had to finish their drink. At first, everyone had been happy to avoid that rule and just down their drink. This had led to _many_ empty cups, a rapidly-declining alcohol stash, and everyone getting a lot drunker than usual. Then, everyone tried to stick to the rule, pointedly talking to each other while fervently trying not to make eye contact, much to Allison's glee. It was really weird being at a party where people were focusing so hard on not looking at each other. Not that this affected Andrew. The only person he was interested in looking at was too busy chatting to Matt.

This, of course, made it harder to initiate the plan. Neil wasn't paying attention, and he hadn't really seemed to fully understand the plan when Andrew had went through it in the kitchen. Plus, he was significantly more tipsy than he had been a couple of hours ago. _Lightweight_ , Andrew thought darkly.

Suddenly, the plan had _backfire_ written all over it, and Andrew was about to leave the room to find something more interesting, and less heart-breakingly pathetic to do with his precious time, when Neil shot him a small thumbs-up from across the room.

 _Ah_ , Andrew thought, _he's trying to stick to that stupid eye contact rule_.

Andrew cleared his throat.

"Listen up, fuckers," He called out. "We're going to make this more interesting. Everyone think of your favourite colour, and on three, we're all going to say it out loud. If you say the same colour as someone else in the circle, then congratulations, you're kissing."

"What?" Aaron said, confused, but Andrew ignored him. It was supposed to be confusing. He had Kevin's attention, and that's all that mattered.

"Okay," Andrew went on, hating himself and his life and his choices. "On three - one, two, _three_!"

He heard Kevin shout, "Black," as he himself muttered, "Grey."

And at that moment, Neil's eyes met his own and he noticed that the _fucking imbecile_ was also saying, _grey_ , his pink mouth stretching casually over the damning, singular syllable. Then, Neil's eyes widened in realisation.

"Ha!" Allison cried. "Minyard and Josten not only said the same fucking boring colour, but they made eye contact while doing so!"

"No-" Andrew started.

"I didn't-" Neil spluttered, looking from Allison to Andrew to Kevin.

"We all heard it," Aaron said, folding his arms over his chest.

"That means you have to down your drinks and then go kiss," Kevin said, grinning.

"But-" Neil protested.

"Them's the rules, kid," Allison said with a hiccup, before looking around the room. "Did anyone else say pink?"

Everyone shook their head no.

"I knew none of you had any taste," She said, pouting. "I wanted a kiss."

" _I_ said pink," Seth shouted across the room.

"You said green," Aaron said. "You boring prick."

"What the fuck is wrong with green?" Seth snapped.

Andrew sighed and downed his drink.

"Okay, Neil," Allison said, charging towards Neil. "Get that drink down you and then it's kissing time."

"But- me and Andrew- we-" Neil attempted weakly.

"Yes, yes, you're BFFs," Allison said, waving a hand dismissively. "What's a little smooching between friends?"

"He doesn't- we don't have to do it if we don't want to," Andrew said darkly.

"It was _your_ rule, dumbass," Kevin slurred, leaning back in his seat and grinning smugly. For the fiftieth time that evening, Andrew suppressed the urge to punch his stupid face.

"Just go in the fucking closet and pretend," Aaron snapped, "and _please_ shut these morons up."

...

The closet door slammed shut, leaving them in relative darkness. All Andrew could hear were the chants of _kiss_ coming from inside the room, muffling the whiny voice of the singer in whatever terrible pop-punk band was on shuffle. That, and Neil's breathing. Andrew exhaled through his nose and looked at Neil. His best friend was illuminated by the light that shone through the slats of the closet door. He was chewing his bottom lip and staring back at Andrew and he was so stupidly _beautiful_.

"We can just stand here until they shut up," Andrew whispered.

"I know," Neil whispered back, shifting from one foot to another.

It was a tiny closet and they each had their arms folded in front of them, which meant their forearms were touching. Andrew hoped Neil couldn't feel how the hairs on his arms were standing on end. Neil's face was so close to his own, and the shadows dipped into his cheekbones and the parting of his lips. They danced in his hair, which was autumn-coloured in the dark. When Neil breathed out, Andrew felt it, hot against his own mouth. Neil's eyes were liquid neon and they kept darting from Andrew's eyes to his lips. _What are you doing?_

"You said the wrong fucking colour," Andrew said, just to fill the silence.

Neil didn't reply.

The air inside the closet trembled with possibility.

"I did," Neil conceded eventually, "But-"

"But?" Andrew prompted.

"Maybe," Neil went on, "I did it on purpose. Subconsciously."

"Subconsciously," Andrew repeated. "What are you trying to say?"

"Maybe I want my first kiss to be with someone I know, someone I trust," Neil whispered. "My best friend."

"Maybe this isn't how I would've chosen to kiss you," Andrew snarled, frustrated.

Neil dropped his hands to his sides and made as if to take a step backwards, before remembering they were in a closet.

"You want to kiss me?" Neil asked. "You've wanted to kiss me," He continued, amending his words. It was not-quite a question.

Andrew just held his gaze. He wanted Neil to work it out, but he also _dreaded_ Neil working it out, because it could be an ending, a gut-punch, a car-crash. Something began to uncoil itself in the pit of his stomach. It could also be a beginning.

"So do it," Neil told him, and the entire world seemed to shift underneath him.

"Neil-" Andrew started, arms still folded. "If you're saying yes to this because you're confused, or you're drunk, or you're just trying to indulge me-"

"I'm saying yes because I want you to," Neil interrupted.

Andrew shut his mouth and didn't move. Gently, Neil lifted his hands to Andrew's folded arms. His fingertips lingered at the edge of his skin, a silent question. Andrew nodded, and Neil pulled his arms away from his chest and pushed them to his sides. Then, Neil brushed his hands against Andrew's own, testing the proverbial water, before entwining their fingers and squeezing gently. After that, they were both leaning in, until their lips were nearly touching.

Andrew let Neil set the pace. It was his first kiss, after all. Neil started gently, with a kiss that was little more than a peck. He drew back, slightly, sighed into the darkness, and then leant in again with parted lips. It was a slow, delicate, pretty kiss, and Andrew felt time stand still. Then, Neil's hands slipped around his neck, and his fingers found his way into the hair at the back of his neck.

"Soft," Neil whispered into Andrew's mouth, digging his fingertips into the skin there. "Nice."

Andrew let out a low, growly moan and tugged his hands around Neil's waist, pulling him closer, "'M not nice."

Neil chuckled gently and closed his eyes as Andrew pushed him firmly against the closet wall and kissed him fiercely, hungrily coaxing Neil's mouth to open wider. He pressed himself against Neil, deepening their kiss. Neil responded by making these adorable little pleasurable hums. Andrew balled his fist in the thin material of Neil's old t-shirt, let the other hand lie flat against the small of his back.

Andrew had wanted this for so long, wanted to kiss him with chaos, all mess and desperation, melded tongues and nipped lips. He wanted to kiss him hard, press their bodies together, fall apart.

But this was Neil's first kiss, and Andrew could be patient.

When he pulled away, Neil was looking at him like he was lighting up the darkness. He brought his hands to Neil's collarbone, bunching up the fabric in his fists. He wondered if he was visibly trembling. He hoped not.

"Good?" He managed, eventually.

"Good," Neil agreed, instantly. "So good."

"We should go," Andrew said, suddenly wary of the way the room had grown quiet (the singer was still whining, albeit a different tune).

Neil opened his mouth as if to protest, before nodding and grinning.

Andrew's hands loosened from the fabric of Neil's t-shirt and moved to Neil's face. He cupped Neil's face in his hands and gave him one last kiss, warm and hard, before pushing open the closet door. Neil followed him out, looking slightly dazed.

The room was so quiet because everyone had either fallen asleep or passed out. Some were on the floor, others were sprawled across each other on the couch.

Andrew shook his head and moved towards the speaker to turn it off.

"We'll tidy in the morning," He whispered to Neil. "Let's go to bed."

Neil followed him up the stairs. Neil had stayed over countless times. They usually took turns sleeping on the floor in Andrew's old sleeping bag. Andrew watched Neil carefully as he wandered into his bedroom. _What the fuck do we do now?_

"You want me to take the floor?" Neil asked.

"No," Andrew told him truthfully, before adding, "only if you want to."

Neil swallowed, understanding what Andrew meant.

"I don't," He replied evenly, "want to, that is."

"Good," Andrew said, rolling into bed fully-clothed and leaving the covers open for Neil to climb in beside him.

They studied each other in the dark for a few minutes. Andrew's thoughts wildly flipped between a sense of awe and joy he'd never really known, and a growing fear that this was all just a drunken one-off. As if reading his mind, Neil reached out a hand and pressed it against his cheek. _You're really here. Fuck._

"Thank you," Neil murmured sleepily, his eyes searching Andrew's face.

"For what?" Andrew mumbled, enjoying the firm warmth of Neil's hand at his cheek.

"For the best first kiss ever," Neil replied, closing his eyes and snuggling up next to Andrew.

Andrew didn't reply. He felt frozen in time, a perfect moment. Eventually, when his eyes grew heavy, he moved Neil's hand from his face and intertwined them on the pillow between them. And like that, they slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd love to hear your thoughts on this! teenage angst is my jam. I have a few ideas for future chapters but would also love to hear any suggestions!!
> 
> chapter title is from the song 'all stars' by martin solveig ft. alma // elements of this were inspired by the new girl episode 'cooler'. 
> 
> ty for reading.


	2. i gotta feel the wind chill again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the party, Erik walks Nicky home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place directly after the last chapter. this time it's Nicky and Erik.

Nicky woke up and thanked his lucky stars that he felt fine. He'd only had a couple of hangovers before, but they were so bad he'd ended up Googling _can you die from a hangover?_ in a queasy, shaky state of paranoia.

He sat up and took a quick look around. He was on Andrew and Aaron's floor and the lights were still on and the music had stopped. He was surrounded by sleeping bodies. It reminded him of a pride of lions. Kevin was draped over the couch. Allison was curled up next to him on the floor, snoring, with Renee sleeping soundly at her side. There was no sign of Andrew, or Aaron, and that they were all still snoozing away meant Aunt Tilda hadn't come home to kick them all out.

Nicky got up quietly and went to the kitchen to fix himself a glass of water. As he turned the faucet off Erik Klose walked into the room. Nicky gulped his water down at an alarming speed. _Damn, shit, I hope that takes the edge off my morning breath_ , he thought.

"Morning," Nicky said cheerfully, busying himself with refilling his glass, "Want some water?"

"Water is good," Erik said groggily, the remainder of his German accent curling around the edges of his words.

Erik and his family had moved to town when Erik had been about ten. After six years in the States, his accent had faded, but there was still a wisp of it in there. Nicky thought it was pretty much the sexiest thing in the entire world.

Nicky filled another glass and handed it to Erik. His heart beat fast in his chest as Erik's fingers brushed against his own as he took it.

Nicky had a thing for Erik.

Nicky was a bit of a social butterfly. At school he flitted between babysitting his cousins and chatting with people from the different 'groups'. Erik was part of what was known as the 'outdoorsy group' - the kids who liked to go camping and hiking _for fun_. That wasn't really Nicky's thing at all. He could think of a million other things he'd rather do than sleep on a rock or get bitten alive by bugs. In that way, he knew he and Erik were different, and _yet_ Nicky had a thing for Erik. He sometimes questioned whether it was because Erik was one of the few out-and-proud boys at school, but then he looked at Erik's jaw, or his eyes, or his muscular calves, and knew that wasn't it.

Although it was an admirable thing. Nicky was out to his cousins and close friends, but it wasn't common knowledge. And his parents _definitely_ didn't know.

"Thanks," Erik said, draining the glass of its contents, "I'm going to get out of here. Wanna come?"

"Come?" Nicky repeated.

"Nicky, you live on Snow, right? I live on Hawthorn," Erik said (Nicky was keenly aware of that already).

"Right," Nicky said, pressing his lips together. They felt chapped, and despite the water, his mouth felt dry.

"We can walk to the corner together," Erik said through a yawn, "Get your coat,"

He didn't have to tell Nicky twice. Ditching clean-up duty to walk home with Erik _might_ incite the wrath of his cousins but he'd worry about that later. Right now, this was pretty much the most important thing in the world. Nicky followed Erik into the hall and then they each searched through the messy piles of shoes, bags, and coats to find their things.

Once they were ready, Erik held the door open for Nicky. Nicky walked onto the drive with a giant grin on his face.

 

...

 

It was January, and it had snowed overnight. The sky was powder-blue, cloudless. It was chilly enough that Nicky fished his earmuffs out of his bag and put them on. Erik stared at him.

"What?" Nicky said, bundling his hands into his pockets.

"They're _fluffy_ ," Erik replied, smirking slightly.

"They're warm!" Nicky protested.

"Uh-huh," Erik went on, "Are your hands cold?"

"Y-yeah, I guess," Nicky admitted as they made their way onto the road. It was early, and there weren't many cars around. The snow was undisturbed, blank. It crunched as their boots sank into it.

"Here," Erik said, tossing Nicky a pair of balled-up black gloves.

"Don't you need them?" Nicky asked, catching them.

"I'm really warm," Erik told him.

"How is that possible?" Nicky replied, shivering pointedly.

"I'm always warm," Erik responded with an easy shrug, " _Especially_ after a night of drinking. Remind me never to do that again,"

"What?" Nicky asked.

"Go to a party at the Minyards' house," Erik answered, paling, "Those cocktails were lethal,"

"Aw, come on," Nicky said, laughing gently, "It was fun, right? The best way to spend a Friday night,"

"Eh, it was alright," Erik conceded, "I'm definitely going to be slow up the hills today, though,"

"You're hiking today?" Nicky replied, incredulous, "Are you mad?"

"I do it every weekend," Erik told him, shrugging, "It's good for you. You should try it,"

"Yeah, yeah," Nicky grumbled, "The benefits of exercise are countless,"

Erik laughed at that as they turned a corner, and their conversation lapsed into silence.

"So," Nicky began awkwardly, "Any hot gossip from last night? I kind of passed out early,"

"Uh, _I_ didn't really see anything scandalous going on," Erik said, "But that was mostly because I was upstairs with Roland all night,"

Nicky's heart sank. Roland was one of the other aforementioned out-and-proud boys at school. He knew he and Erik hooked up from time to time.

"Although," Erik went on, "Not much happened there. We made out for about two seconds before he needed to throw up. Nothing like a bit of vomit to kill the mood,"

Nicky hummed in agreement.

"I swear," Erik went on, "Being openly gay in a small town is the worst. You end up making out with the same five people over and over,"

Nicky had a sneaking suspicion that there were more kids in their town just figuring out their sexualities than Erik had probably noticed, but didn't say so.

"But at least most of the boys in this town are super cute," Nicky said instead, hoping Erik would understand what he was trying to get at.

Erik raised an eyebrow and looked at him. Nicky offered him a cheeky smile in response.

"I did always wonder about that, Hemmick," Erik said.

Is he flirting with me?

"Yeah, well," Nicky said, "Now you know,"

If he is then I am sure as fuck flirting back.

"Most of the boys in this town _are_ super cute," Erik agreed, "Except you,"

"Ha-ha," Nicky replied sarcastically.

"You," Erik said, catching Nicky's eye and slowing his pace slightly, "are _pretty_ ,"

It felt like Nicky had been struck by lightning. First, the jolt. Then, tingles all over.

"Especially in those earmuffs," Erik went on, laughing.

"Oh my god! I can't tell if you're making fun of me or flirting with me," Nicky whined, his cheeks heating up.

This only made Erik laugh harder. His laugh was low and rumbly. Nicky loved that laugh, he decided, especially when he was the cause of it.

"So, when did you know?" Erik asked him, when he'd caught his breath.

"Um, I guess I've always had an idea," Nicky replied awkwardly, "You're not the only one who's been making out with boys at parties, you know,"

Erik's jaw dropped.

"Who?" He demanded.

"Ah, that would be telling," Nicky replied slyly.

"So, how come you're not out?" Erik asked. It wasn't an accusation, just curiosity.

"I am to a few people," Nicky answered, "It's just not common knowledge because I don't want the info to get back to my parents,"

Erik looked at him, his expression suddenly soft and searching.

"They're religious," Nicky offered in explanation, " _Super_ religious,"

"And you?" Erik replied.

"Sometimes I think I am," Nicky said with a sigh, "Sometimes I don't know what to think,"

"My family is religious too," Erik admitted.

"What?" Nicky replied, shocked, "But- but you're out,"

"I know," Erik said, smiling, "My parents, they just want me to be happy. And that's what they think God wants too,"

"Is it really that simple?" Nicky asked.

"Why not?" Erik said, smiling gently, "Shouldn't love be simple?"

Nicky thought about his parents, about telling them he liked boys, liked one boy in particular, had spent the night drinking alcohol and pining over him. He thought about their faces, the shocked, silent expressions that would come as he spoke. The admonishments that would come after. He hoped- he hoped that even if they couldn't agree with it, that they would at least let him stay, and try to come to terms with it. _Can I be so sure?_

"Let's just say I can't imagine my parents having the same reaction," Nicky said darkly.

"Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to," Erik told him, "I'm here,"

"Thank you," Nicky replied, and despite the cold, a flower of warmth bloomed in his chest.

They were nearly at the corner.

"Look," Erik said, as they came to a halt, running a hand through his hair and looking suddenly nervous, "I'll give you my number. Give me a message, if you want to talk about it. Or- or anything,"

Nicky stared at Erik for a second before wordlessly pulling out his phone and handing it to him. Erik programmed his number into Nicky's phone and passed it back to him. Nicky clutched it to his chest like it was something precious.

"See you around?" Erik asked as he turned to face Hawthorn.

"Oh," Nicky said, remembering, "Your gloves,"

"Keep them," Erik told him with a wave of his hand, "You need them more than I do,"

"Thanks," Nicky said, smiling, "See you around,"

And with that, they parted and walked away, down their own streets, and into their own houses.

Nicky hoped that Erik grinned all the way home too.

 

...

 

"I'm home," Nicky called as he pulled off his boots. It was early, but the Hemmick's were early-risers.

"How was it at Aaron and Andrew's?" His mother asked, as he popped his head into the kitchen, "You all behaved?"

"Of course," Nicky replied with a smile, "I'm going to go upstairs and take a nap,"

"You know, son," His dad said, without lifting his eyes from the newspaper, "The point of a sleepover is to _sleep_ ,"

Nicky wasn't listening. He climbed the stairs two at a time and immediately went to his bed.

He pulled out his phone and opened his contacts, staring at the number on the screen.

He breathed in, and began typing.

 _Hi!! it's Nicky_ , he sent.

He waited a minute before it showed Erik was typing.

Hey - I was hoping you'd text. :)

Nicky smiled and typed back, _Thx for walking me home!_

 _Anytime,_ Erik responded.

Nicky suppressed the urge to squeal. He stared at the texts, wondering what to reply, when it showed Erik was typing again.

_It's probably not ur thing, but do u want to go hiking w/ me today?_

_..._

_We can do an easy 1 if that helps ;)_

Nicky rolled over onto his front and laughed as he read the messages.

Erik was right. It wasn't really his thing.

And yet...

_Yes!! give me an hr to shower and get rdy??_

_ok. Meet you at the corner then :) :)_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the (shipped) gold standard by fall out boy.
> 
> thanks for reading. suggestions for future pairings/crushes are welcome! :)
> 
> fandom tumblr is: palmetttos (yup w/ 3 ts)


	3. hooked on all these feelings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison thinks she might be a little bit in love with her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place the morning after chapter one. it's renison. I love pining.
> 
> warnings: sexual assault (groping) at a party

Allison woke up and was Not Okay. Her head pounded, throbbing in time with the flutter of her pulse. Her legs, which had been tucked up against her stomach all night, were sore and stiff. Her mouth was dry and tasted like stale beer. She slowly turned, wincing, and then smiled as she saw Renee curled up next to her.

Not for the first time, Allison felt the urge to reach out, run a hand through her best friend's hair, snuggle closer. The urge overwhelmed her.

She and Renee had been friends for years. They were inseparable at school, each others' cheerleaders on the track. They shopped, went for coffee, made dinner together. They'd had about a million sleepovers, Allison trash-talking the scary movies as they sat, cosy in the dark of Allison's room, cocooned under one blanket and _happy_. In the mornings, they would eat leftover popcorn, listen to music, play video games; they would just be.

Then, one morning, Allison woke up wanting to _hold_ Renee and that had been...unexpected. She filed the thought away, waited to see if it would pass.

It didn't.

And Allison concluded that she was maybe a little bit in love with Renee because they were _so_ close. Their friendship had always been intense, all-consuming. They knew everything about each other, knew each others' secret hopes, each others' dark thoughts. Renee was everything to her, and pretty too (Allison thought about Renee on the track, with her silver-white hair tangled in the breeze, her smile saying _this is home_ ).

Allison suppressed the urge to shift closer, focusing instead on the apocalyptic intensity of her hangover.

Allison forced herself to get up, pushed aside the wave of nausea that came with standing, and marched into the kitchen to get a glass of water, grunting a good morning to Neil and Minyard as she did so.

As she drank, Neil and Minyard went about cleaning the kitchen in an easy silence. Andrew mopped up spilled drinks as Neil collected empty bottles in a neat pile. Allison narrowed her eyes at them. They looked all...well-rested, comfy, _happy_. Neil was humming, content.

"What the fuck?" She drawled, her voice low and rough like she'd caught a cold.

"What?" Neil replied, looking straight at her with his ridiculously blue eyes. They were like the sky made liquid, the prettiest eyes in the world (next to Renee's). Allison ignored another wave of nausea as she inspected him carefully. His lips kept curling into a grin. He was practically glowing. She looked towards Minyard, feeling kind of frantic suddenly, but his bored expression told her nothing.

"You're coming with me," She told Neil, slamming her empty glass on the counter and crossing the distance between them so that she could grab Neil's wrist in her hand. As she started pulling him towards the door, Neil threw Minyard a wild glance over his shoulder. Minyard shrugged and continued cleaning.

"I have to help clean up-" Neil protested weakly as she tossed him his shoes, "Nicky bailed early and everyone else is either still sleeping or too hungover to move-"

"Whatever," Allison replied, slipping into her silky, pink bomber jacket, "We gotta go,"

"But Andrew needs my help-" Neil tried weakly.

"Too bad," Allison replied, ushering him out the door, "I need it more,"

 

...

 

"I'm home," Allison called as the two of them walked into her house and immediately headed upstairs. There was no response, which meant her parents were either out, or didn't hear her. To be honest, she didn't care which. If they were to start paying attention to her now it would be a small miracle.

Allison marched into her room and turned the radio on. Neil trailed behind her.

"Do you need to tell me something?" She asked him, sitting on her bed.

Neil was silent, but he was still smiling; he still had that satisfied vibe about him, looked the way Allison felt when she'd, well-

"Andrew kissed me," Neil said finally.

"I know," Allison lied, "I was there. It was part of that stupid game,"

She hadn't expected them to actually do it.

"Wasn't a stupid game," Neil replied, shaking his head, "It was real,"

"I'm _not_ happy for you," She told him, flopping backwards onto her bed, "He's bad news, Josten,"

"He's not," Neil insisted, "He's my friend,"

 _A friend you get to kiss_ , Allison thought, feeling suddenly envious.

"I don't want you to get hurt by some mean, class-ditching, leather-jacket-wearing delinquent," She went on, and she meant it. The thought of Neil getting screwed over by some wannabe bad boy made her blood boil, made her want to throw expensive things out the window.

"You ditch class all the time," Neil pointed out.

"Just promise me you'll be careful," Allison pleaded, "And tell me if he does anything bad - I'll rip his head off,"

"Okay," Neil said, smiling again, "But he won't do anything bad. I trust him,"

Allison let that linger between them as the song on the radio switched. She hoped he was right. She might go to all the Minyard parties, but she didn't trust the guy at all. It was potentially due to his attitude, potentially due to the fact he stole Renee away from her all the time. Whatever. It was one of the two. Allison huffed.

"In what universe is it fair that _you_ get a nice make-out session and _I_ have to sleep on a god damn floor, anyway?" She muttered.

"Nobody um, take your fancy?" Neil asked. He was still hovering by the door looking twitchy and jubilant. She patted the spot on the bed next to her and he came over to sit.

"I'm so bored all the time, Neil," She said, staring at the ceiling, "This town is the worst. It's tiny, and starless, and nothing ever happens. I can't wait to move away. Can't you?"

"I don't know," Neil replied, "I haven't really thought about it,"

Allison stopped herself from laughing. _Classic Neil_ , she thought, _always in the present_.

"Well I have," She went on, "I want some fucking _adventure_ , some romance. I'm tired of sitting around in my room, sitting around at parties, waiting for something - _anything_ \- to happen,"

"What are you waiting for?" Neil asked her, nonplussed.

"Something interesting? Something fun? Something life-changing?" She tried. Nothing sounded right. It was hard to articulate. She glared at the ceiling now, wishing for laser vision, hoping to burn a hole right through it.

"Have you had any more thoughts about- about what we talked about?" Neil prompted, lying down next to her and relaxing into the plump, plush softness of the blanket.

"Kind of," Allison answered finally, and her frustration fizzled out. It wasn't fair to be angry at Neil, angry at the world, just because he'd gotten to kiss the person he'd really wanted to kiss and she hadn't. Thinking about it now, it kind of made sense Neil and Minyard got it on. Minyard was always kind of _there_ , in the background, blurring the edges of Neil's life. He was always watching Neil, observing. Allison had thought he was just being an asshole, but maybe he was looking out for Neil, watching his back. Maybe it was just inevitable for them.

For Allison, however, she didn't have a clue how to go about pursuing the person she really wanted to pursue.

"I mean, I know I like boys," Allison said, knowing Neil had heard this speech about fifty times by now, and thankful he was still listening to it, "I check them out all the time, and I love making out with them. But- but with- with this girl, it's like, _different_. I want to kiss her, sure, but I also get these urges to just, hold her hand, hold her close,"

"Sounds like you want to _be_ with her," Neil said, "It's okay to want that with somebody,"

"But then, that's where it gets confusing, because I thought I just liked boys," Allison continued, "And yet, I like _her_ , and want to kiss her. But- does that mean I like girls as well as boys? Or just that I like her?"

"It's okay not to have it figured out yet," Neil told her meaningfully.

"I guess so," Allison agreed, as she turned on her side to face him.

"I bet you can't wait to get back over to Minyards' place, huh?" She teased, kicking his calf lightly.

"You said you needed my help more," Neil responded, "I'm not going anywhere,"

"Good," She replied firmly, "Because you know how I'm always cutting and styling your hair, making you look attractive for all the local criminals?"

"Uh-huh," Neil answered slowly.

"It's time for you to return the favour," Allison said sweetly, pointing to the bedside table that was closer to Neil, "Be a doll and grab that box of hair dye, would you?"

Neil sat up and reached over to pick up the box. He opened it and studied the dye, eyebrows rising as he took in the bubblegum-pink hue.

"I'm not sure I can help you with this-" He started, but Allison shushed him.

"It's pretty easy, Neil. I'll do most of it myself - you just keep make sure it's spread nice and even. I'd choke if I had a patchy dye-job," Allison told him, jumping to her feet and making her way over to her _en suite_ bathroom to change into her robe.

"Why pink?" Neil called out to her.

"Why not?" Allison countered as she walked back into the bedroom, brushing out her long, golden hair.

Neil shrugged.

"I told you," Allison said, "I'm _bored_. I'm sick of feeling so restless. I want a change, no matter how tiny and seemingly shallow,"

"Okay," Neil conceded, nodding, "Let's do this,"

 

...

 

"I like your hair," Renee said, reaching out to run her fingers through the bright-pink strands, "It makes you look like a superhero,"

Allison beamed. Impressing Renee happened to be one of her favourite things to do.

"Thanks," Allison replied, leaning forward, "Neil helped me do it,"

"Oh," Renee said, smiling sweetly, "You two really enjoy each others' company, don't you?"

"He's easy to talk to," Allison said with a shrug, looking down at her yoghurt.

"It looks great," Renee went on, "He did a good job. Is that where you went after? When I woke up you were gone,"

There was no accusation there, not really, but Allison felt guilty all of a sudden. When she'd woken up, Renee had been asleep next to her. The longing to slide closer, wrap her arms round Renee's waist, relax into the warmth of holding her, had been overwhelming. Longing like that made her heart feel bruised. And then the hangover had kicked in. And then she'd seen Minyard and Neil and their easy, quiet closeness, and that had completely freaked her out. This seemed like too much to explain to Renee so Allison just shrugged again. If Renee was hurt by the brush-off, she didn't show it.

"I helped Andrew clean up," Renee continued, her tone as calm as ever, "You should have stayed,"

"It was a terribly boring party anyway," Allison said, scowling, "The one I'm going to throw this weekend is going to make it look like a kids' birthday party,"

"You're throwing a party?" Renee asked.

"Yeah," Allison replied. Her heart was beating fast in her chest and for some reason she felt like she needed to push deeper, to carve something out of nothing, just to see how Renee would react.

"And I'm definitely hooking up with someone," Allison told Renee, "I don't care who, I don't care if it's just in a game, I need some love,"

"Right," Renee responded, her gaze steady and unflinching, "If that's what you want,"

"It is," Allison went on. She could hear her own voice, loud and shrill, with a slash of cruelty running through it.

Renee stood up and slung her backpack over her shoulder. For a second, Allison swore she could see something like hurt in her friend's calm features. Then, it faded. Renee smiled broadly at her. Allison tapped a manicured nail against the tabletop in agitation. _She's unshakeable, unreadable_ , Allison thought.

"I have to get to class," Renee explained.

"Okay," Allison replied, standing up and , "I'll walk you,"

After dropping Renee at her classroom door, Allison considered how she was going to waste her free period. She texted Dan as she walked down the corridor and then she made her way back outside to take a seat on one of the benches. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Alvarez and Dermott sitting at one of the tables. Dermott looked kind of upset about something and Alvarez was tenderly stroking her hair to comfort her. Allison hoped they wouldn't notice her staring and pretended to look at her phone, all the while keeping her gaze fixed on the two girls. Dermott giggled as Alvarez wiped her tears away, and then they were kissing. It was delicate, slow, loving.

 _I want that_ , Allison thought. It rang through her head as clear as church-bells.

Allison thought about Renee's fingers in her pink hair and there it was again: _I want that_.

But wanting something didn't make it so.

 

...

 

The weekend stumbled around.

Allison's parents were away, visiting their cabin, which was lucky, because the house was too full of people, and the music was too loud, and Allison? Allison was too drunk to care about any of that, or anything at all for that matter.

Renee had spent most of the night chatting to Minyard in the corner. _Boring_. At least that freed up Neil to dance with her. She and Nicky had the bright idea of pouring glitter over him as he danced, and now he couldn't get the golden sparkly stuff out of his hair.

"It's like-" Neil spluttered, slightly tipsy, "Very fancy dandruff,"

She and Nicky had laughed hard at that and that had been pretty much the best part of the night.

She swayed on her heels, suddenly queasy, and took off to the garden to get some air. Outside, the stars were cartwheeling above her head. She squinted and scowled. The booze was playing tricks with the sky, and oh, she did _not_ feel well.

She'd only really wanted to get slightly tipsy, entertain Renee with her giddy, drunken ramblings. Then she'd ended up making out with Seth for about five minutes (and it was nice and Seth was a good kisser but that's all it was, just kissing. She'd felt nothing, especially not that familiar swoop of _caring_ ).

And then she was throwing up, and she wasn't sure if it was from the booze or the stars or the fucking _caring_ , but there it was, all over the grass.

She instantly felt less queasy, although she still felt a little shaky. She wondered if she looked a mess. It wouldn't do, really, for Allison Reynolds to look a mess at her own party. She straightened her dress, ran a hand through her pink curls, wondered how quickly she could go brush her teeth without anybody noticing.

On her way back in, she locked eyes with Renee. Renee offered her a soft, lingering smile, before turning her attention back to Minyard. Allison pressed her lips together and considered making out with Neil just to fuck with Minyard's head. _That would teach him_ , she thought.

Then, a hand snaked its way onto the small of her back. She raised an eyebrow and turned to see Jack grinning at her menacingly.

"Like the hair," He murmured, "Very strawberry shortcake,"

"Fuck off," She told him. She hated Jack. He was a complete dick and she hadn't even invited him anyway.

" _Not_ very friendly," He went on, his hand suddenly dipping lower to rest on her ass.

"Get the _fuck_ off me," Allison spat, jerking away from him.

Allison noticed Renee, Minyard and Neil watching from the other side of the room. They must have seen something they didn't like on Allison's face because the three of them started storming towards Jack and herself.

"You're such a bitch," Jack snarled, grabbing her arm, "You know, you're not even that hot, and you smell like vomit,"

Allison noticed Renee's glare, icy and empty, as she shoved through the crowd, nearing them. Minyard was behind Renee, knife glinting in his fist, and Neil was following them, scowling, _murdermurdermurder_ glinting in his lovely blue eyes.

Allison was quicker, however.

"I _said_ ," She snarled, kicking him in the shin with the pointed toe of her heel, "Get the _fuck_ off me,"

Jack yelped and fell to the ground, and Allison was surrounded by her friends.

"Okay?" Renee asked her.

Renee's eyes were calm and violent as they travelled over Allison's arm, inspecting it for bruising.

"Yes," Allison replied stonily.

"We're kicking him out," Neil told her as he and Minyard pulled Jack to his feet and started shoving him towards the door.

"Wanna go upstairs?" Renee asked, reaching out to tuck a loose pink curl behind Allison's ear.

"Uh-huh," Allison replied.

The inside of her mouth tasted sour.

 

...

 

Allison brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and re-applied her lipstick.

When she left the _en suite_ , Renee was waiting, cross-legged on her bed.

"You're behaving strangely," Renee told her.

Allison had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

" _Allison_ ," Renee scolded gently.

"I'm just drunk," Allison replied, giving an exaggerated shrug.

"You don't have to try to make me jealous, Allison," Renee said slowly.

"With _Jack_? I hate that asshole," Allison protested hotly, "I wasn't trying to make you jealous. He was being a massive, groping creep, and I _kicked_ him, FYI,"

"I meant with Seth," Renee responded quietly, "And with all your talk of 'hooking up',"

Allison didn't know what to say. She felt winded, pained, heartbroken.

"I'm sorry," She managed eventually, feeling like she might cry, "I'm poison,"

"You are not poison," Renee countered, shaking her head, "You're just...confused, right?"

Allison folded her arms across her chest, as if to protect herself from something. She didn't know what.

"I don't know how to handle this," She admitted finally.

Renee signalled for her to continue.

"Something has changed," Allison went on, "I've changed,"

"You haven't changed," Renee protested, smiling fondly.

"I just- I just like you so much," Allison said, the words spilling out of her, free and clumsy, "And I know that's not what we- I know that changes things, but I can't help it. I can't fucking handle it. I just want to kiss you, hold your hand, and I don't know what to do about it,"

Renee stood up and took two large strides across the room to close the distance between them.

"It changes nothing," Renee said, "There aren't any rules or restrictions when it comes to us. And if _you_ don't know what to do about it, I do,"

Allison looked up at her questioningly.

Renee placed her hand flat against Allison's cheek and leant in to kiss her. Renee's lips were delicate and decisive against her own and Allison felt like she was melting. She laced her fingers in Renee's short, silky hair and moved closer, gradually and gently coaxing Renee's lips to part so that she could deepen the kiss. Kissing Renee felt like escaping, like running wild down the street. It also felt deeply romantic. Allison pulled away, not altogether certain she wasn't about to tip the both of them onto the bed.

She linked their hands together, squeezed down once, before pressing their foreheads together and releasing a blissed-out sigh.

Glossy, purple remnants of Allison's lipstick were smudged across Renee's smiling lips and Allison thought it was the greatest thing she'd ever seen.

They returned to the party with identical purple grins and clasped hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would literally die for Allison Reynolds??
> 
> chapter title: feelings / Hayley Kiyoko
> 
> [fandom tumblr](http://palmetttos.tumblr.com/) / [main tumblr](http://flutter.tumblr.com)


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